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I hate content marketing

I don’t understand why my plumber needs a blog.

Why does a roofer need a Facebook page?

I don’t even have a LinkedIn account.

I bet you can guess what I’m going to say next…

I hate content marketing! And so should you.

Content marketing is the process of manufacturing interest in your product by providing “unique” and ‘valuable’ content that educates, informs, and entertains your ideal buyers while subtly evangelizing your product or service offering along the way. It involves creating blog posts, whitepapers, infographics, case studies, and webinars (a lot of webinars) to educate and influence potential customers about whatever it is you sell. But it’s not enough to simply create this content – employers expect their marketers to be actively involved in promoting it through social media channels.

I hate content marketing because when done right, it’s boring.

I hate content marketing because when done wrong, it misleads customers and damages your brand perception.

I hate content marketing because you need to be an expert at something before you can create valuable content. You also need to understand the taxonomy of what you’re talking about. One small mistake in your educational blog post could ruin all your hard work by ensuring that Google directs traffic to unhelpful sites in SERPs (search engine result pages). I know how easy this happens because I made these mistakes myself when I started in SEO several years ago… But enough about me – let’s get back to why you should hate content marketing.

I hate content marketing because it’s time-consuming and requires specialist knowledge. It makes more sense to hire an expert rather than learn how to do something yourself and trying to outsource the work will quickly get expensive so you’ll be stuck doing content marketing for life.

If you don’t mind wasting your time, here are some things you can do:

  1. Write a blog post explaining why something is great… but don’t link this blog post to anything else on your website because Google likes unique URLs for SEO purposes. Don’t forget to call it ‘unique’ or ‘valuable’, too!
  2. Spend hours creating infographics that explain concepts in great detail… but don’t link them anywhere either because they’re “unique”.
  3. Write 20 long-form blog posts about why you’re the best at what you do… but don’t link to any of them. Instead, link your homepage in some places and then not in others because Google looks for ‘diverse’ anchor text when indexing pages.
  4. Make a case study explaining how brilliant your product is… but make sure it takes hours to read by using unnecessarily long words or adding lots of fluff. Also don’t forget to use infographic-style screenshots instead of annotated images because everyone loves infographics!
  5. Get featured on several websites where other people will talk about you (and say good things, obviously). Be sure to mention each website individually because that’s the best way to get backlinks for SEO.
  6. Create a series of videos showing how great your product is… but don’t link them anywhere. Instead, you should leave each video on YouTube and hope that people link to them individually. If it’s not obvious, don’t forget to say ‘unique’ or ‘valuable’ in the title so Google knows what to do with this stuff later.
  7. Write up case studies describing why someone else was great… but don’t link these case studies anywhere because they’re unique pieces of content that tell the whole story without providing any actual value to anyone reading them. Oh, and be sure never to mention your name in the articles written about companies you represent – it’s probably not the best idea to tell the world you’re promoting content for free.
  8. Create guides showing customers how to do something… but don’t link them directly to your website because Google likes unique URLs for SEO purposes.
  9. Record videos of people explaining why they love your product… but don’t link these videos anywhere either because this is ‘unique’ and ‘valuable’ content that should never be shared or used by anyone else ever. I know it’s good content, but just trust me on this. Link every single video back to your homepage instead.
  10. Write a blog post about why someone else was great… but don’t link this blog post anywhere because it doesn’t make sense to link good stuff together! Also, make sure you mention everyone who helped you by name, but don’t link to their websites because that would ruin the ‘unique’ and ‘valuable’ content. You need to be more creative than that!

So there you go – good luck with all your content marketing! I hope some of these tips come in handy for you.

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Thanks for reading!  – Kevin

___________________________________________________________________________ This author is an anonymous copywriter and all of the content in this article (especially the last line) was copied verbatim from an ai. If you enjoyed this article, please share it on Facebook or Twitter now. Thanks!

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